Whatever I experience makes me think about them in a deeper level. What I experienced on Sunday night was one of those moments. It was one of the precious moments for me as I had graduated from 200 hours of yoga teacher training program. I was so happy, so blessed with full of energy. When I came back home, I was expecting to see my mom waiting me to embrace to share my happiness. Unexpectedly there were few more shoes outside the door although it was almost midnight. When I came in there was a silence and I saw my aunts with my mom sitting all together in the kitchen. One of my aunts had scarf on her head and she was praying. I asked “Something happened?” They said, “no, no come in” My mom embraced me with full of love and proud to congratulate me. And then I learnt that my grandma is not good at all. Then I thought actually that what life is. Good and bad moments are called life. But it is a whole as it is. In those moments I asked questions to myself about life. And I realized that we are covered by so many things that we forget what we are. And all those coverings block us to feel what we are, to feel and realize that we are more than a body, or a mind.
In that fragile, emotional state of mine, I was next to my grandma and looking into her eyes, talking to her. Although it was difficult to understand every word she said, I just looked into her eyes and said, “Grandma”. Her eyes became brighter and she had the most beautiful smile in her eyes. In that moment I saw love, the light, the eternal source. Our spirits touched to each other. It was a pure bliss to feel the way I felt. I remembered my last day of practice in yoga teacher training. I remembered what my inspirational teacher Chris Chavez had said in that day: “You can touch someone’s heart with a smile sometimes.” Yes, it was absolutely true. My grandma’s and my heart touched to each other, our spirits touched to each other with a smile, with a look.
After all thoughts that came to my mind, I questioned the things happening around me. There is only one truth which is full of love. However in this external world we are not open to face what comes to us, and what we experience. We close ourselves so much that we are afraid of feeling love. We are afraid of expressing our feelings, afraid of stepping forward, to say I love you, we forget to forgive, to be grateful, to accept, to smile, to look, to touch…Why? We are made up of love… <3 Don’t let your heart to be covered by externals, be open to universe, accept whatever comes to you because whatever comes, comes from an eternal source with full of love.
Don’t be afraid of smiling, touching, looking, expressing your feelings, don’t be afraid of feeling love and saying “I love you.” I love you grandma! <3
With light and smile…
Gamze
